Hello. (:

I had a nightmare last night.
I dreamt you. The dream is so real. 
Its about I go to look for you.
But you're with your friend.
We argued, I claim that you always just important your friend.
And abandon me always. I was so sad.
Yet, your friend still wanna add oil.
Makes our relationship broken.
I pissed you off and walked away.
I thought you'll come for me.
But you didnt. You never..
I feel so ache and hatred you.
I can feel you, but you never action.

Even in dream also the same situation. Feel stupid. HAHA! 

It's okay. You don't need to post/tell me anything.
Ya, I already accept the truth. We're just not into each other.
We're different personality, we're different world. 
We shouldn't have start this relationship.
Cause will never have happy ending.

And I finally give up on our relationship.
I know will never happy ever.
You're no longer belongs to me.
So don't worry..
I won't ask for a return anymore.
You don't need to feel sorry/regret to hurt me again. 
Cause of you cause of this relationship.
Makes me stronger and moves forwards with my life.
I learnt independent, makes me brave. 

After struggling for 6 months broken relationship.
Everyday zombie-like life.
Feel that everything is meaningless without you.
Now I'm on the way find myself again.
I back to previous happy-go-lucky, laugh hard everyday, do foolish action with my friends, enjoy my life that lee Sze wei.
Feels so relief and satisfied with myself.
Cause I manage to handle all this shit.
Although sometimes still feel hatred think back how you treated me.
But doesn't matter.. It's over and I live better now to destroy the hatred.
I'm Strong now. Thanks for everything. (:

*don't shisha too much. I always say shisha shisha shisha, but I never touch so often. I know it's harm. Just take it for fun. Control and take care your health. 

The Ugly Truth

I knew the truth finally.
Problem sill the same.. Aikz..
I'm tired of being like that.
I need some break down..

I'm tired of being nice to people who don't give a shit about me.

I Hate You

I don't know weather will you read this or not.
If do, please do me a favor.
Don't ever view this blog anymore. Stop reading.
It's my privacy. I don't want you to read anymore.

I'm thinking to give away the shirt I bought for you in Bali.
I'm disappointed again..
Club club club.. Always club.
Beside than that what else you know?
In your mind just clubbing clubbing clubbing!!
For you that's more important than me.
I feel so stupid and WTF!
You don't know how to appreciate me.
Fine! I don't need you too!
Leave my fucking life please!
Don't even come disturb and bother my life!
I'll feel much more better if I don't know anything about you.
At least I'm still happy.. And won't feel sad with what are you doing.

You're Just Not That Into Me

Alright.. It's a new month.
Everything have to stop.
It's end tonight.
I'll stop thinking about you, stop reflash of our memories.
Stop crying and feel sadness for you.

Its time to release everything and let you go.
Holding on to a one sided relationship is tiring.
Only myself putting on hopes and efforts.
Honestly, I'm tired..
I wanna start with my new life.
Everything is over! So let's move on!

You're just not that into me.
You're still my friend.
I'll love you as my friend.
No more no less. Bff

It's September

Welcome September! (:
I'm wonder how this month I will be.
I wish to live better, live happily, more laugh, more fun, no sadness, no broken heart, no disappointed.

The Smurfs is shown on cinema..!
It's cute. I want to watch this 3D show.

A Little Old Sweet Memories 2

Pyramid this afternoon.
Many people skating. 
We used to skating together before.
You teach me, hold me never let me fall..
The gloves are still with you. Keep it nicely..

I ate fondue, I remembered my first fondue is eat with you.. In pavilion.
Your first time been to pavillion with me.

Beautiful night

I went to a restaurant just now for dinner.
We having dinner on the beach.
It's so romantic, environment is so great.
Can heard people chatting, laughing..
Heard waving of sea water..
And the sky is full of stars..! It's so beautiful.

If got a chance, I wish to come here to enjoy with you. <3

A little old sweet memories

I walked under hot sun this evening.
Remember how you cover for me.

I went to become yinying's model in her school.
You missing a lil while, to surprise me with 100 yen. 
It's sweet. <3

I'm not purposely missed my meal.
But I seriously forget to have my meal.
I'm sorry.. I'll try to have my meal on time.
If I remember.
I'll learn to be independent that without you do and remind me of every thing.

Day before Bali

Hello.. How are you?
I miss you. <3
tomorrow I'm going to Bali.
I wish to tell you about this.
But looks like pointless to tell you, right..
Cause I'll be disturbing you.
And you won't be interested with it too.
Hmmm.. It's okay.. I'm gonna tell here..

"Ah dear, I'm going to Bali tomorrow.
I'll buy some souvenir for you. Miss you <3"

I Will Keep Our Memories Forever.

I never deleted our memories.
What I deleted is just whatsapp conversation between you.
I will never ever delete it, even though is hurt when I look back at those memories.
Cause there are the best moment I spend in my life.
Which is to be with you.
I was so shocked that when you say send to you everything before I deleted.
I felt very touched.  And I wish to tell you this.
That I'll never ever delete it and will keep this forever.
And I wish to collect more and more with you.
I don't know whether we still have this chance or not.

I Love You, My Dear CPK. <3

I Miss You

I know that you go to club again.
Aikz.. I don't know when you will stop for this addiction.
I don't know what can make you stop for this action..
It's okay.. At least you enjoy.

Feel heartache, I miss you.
But you're enjoying much without me.
Happy life forever.

Lonely weekend that without you

I started afraid about weekend..
I feel so alone when weekend..
The weekend without you is so so long..
I miss the busy weekend with you..
The most important.. I miss you much.
I always find myself excuse to text you to ask for a date.
But every time you won't turn up.
I miss you. It's already 3 weekends we never meet.
I'm afraid there's more to come.
3 weekends, 30 weekends, 300 weekends or never.

I miss you so much <3

Congratulation to you

Recently your Whatsapp is almost online 24 hours.
I'm wonder are you linking up with another girl?
You and your colleague reconnect again in Facebook.
I saw in your recently activities.
Hmmm.. Is good one..
She's pretty and the dream girl you fall to when we are in trouble.
She party hard, clubbing hard.
Is a perfect match for two of you.
I'm wonder why every time you go will never bring me along
Am I too ugly to show to your friend?
Or am I disturbing you to close with other girls.
I don't know..
You can have a try with your colleague.
You Definetely can bring her to any where any club.
I always feel that clubbing with boyfriend feels nice!
But I don't have the chance. Cause you won't bring me too.
So try it out with your new girlfriend, it seioualy feel good.
Wish you happy together with your new girlfriend..
And don't break her heart. I can feel that she is seriously love you.

Day Fifteen

I'm so sad today. I wish to talk to you.
But.. I step back. I choose not to disturb you.

"Girl can find a better man after broken up with high school boyfriend;
Guy cannot find a better woman after broke up with his high school girlfriend.
In the end, still high school girlfriend is the best for them"

I saw this in some way.
Is it truth?

One of my friend know Lik sin, your college mate right?
My friend told that we already broken up.
Lik sin said I'm a good girlfriend why ended up with this?

I feel good to hear that. But everything has changed.
Or maybe actually I'm not..?

Love that Cannot Tell

It's hurt when I send you that message.
Girl, be strong.. Everything will be fine.
I've rejected the guy.
I never forget our promises and dreams.
I won't even forget you too.
I won't give up you as well.
I'm afraid that actually you already given up on me.
You always my only precious one.
Yet I cannot tell. I will keep this in my heart forever.
One last time, I love you. <3

The End

I will stop every contact with you.
Please don't look for me anymore.
Are we still friend? Perhaps no at this moment.
The truth is I will never win over your entertainment and clubbing.
All the best to your life.
Goodbye.

My closest friend

I feel comfortable and warm to have some short conversation with you.
At least I know you're doing right..
Our conversations although are short and simple.
But it's good enough for me.
There is no quarrel and argue between us.
Everything goes fine.
We should have continue with this maybe?
Not more not less then that..
We're still friend.. Bff <3

Old sweet memory..

It reminds me of "Roro" & "Juju".
I miss the moment. <3

14th August; Day Ten

Happy 2 years 6 months love anniversary, my dear..

It's another anniversary we had.
But this time isn't the story anymore.
Prince and princess no longer together anymore to celebrate their anniversary.

Ya, thats my school mate chasing me.
He treated me very good. He has the good feeling towards me.
However, I didn't have any for him.
No matter what he did, how he tried..
I told all this to you cause I wish you to stop me from that.
Pull me back again to your side. Keep me in a safer zone.
I know what you thinking..
You want me to move on forget about you forget about this relationship.
But actually you know that I cannot. You know this very well..
I'm tired of playing hard games. You win, I lose.
I know it's not worth at all to hope for this relationship again.
Cause you won't give it a try anymore. You don't want to hurt me anymore.
And actually I'm afraid of a fragile heart again.
My friends all told me MOVE ON.
But actually anyone know how's my thought?
And the feelings of losing loved one.
It's pain and hurt.
It's hard for me to fall for anyone anymore.
You're the one I always think of. And the only one..
Although you choose to give up on me, on this relationship.
On our every sweet memories. But I won't..
I won't ask you for a return. I won't force you to be with me.
The only thing I can do is.. Keep smiling, pretending to be happy..
Pretend to give up on you and move on.
Deep in my heart.. I'm still in the original place, waiting for the day..
You turn and come back looking for me, hold me again..

Just a little request.. Please.. Don't always go club. Please...

I'm waiting for you, I love you. <3

12th August; Day Eight

Just realize that you memories wrongly the date.
We broken up on 4th August, Thursday.
You posted on Wednesday, It's already one week.
Is it you memories wrongly, or I've made a mistake?

I hate 4th of the month. Why?
I think you've forgotten that the very first time you broken up with me..
Is on 4th April.. The date still clearly on my mind.
It's hurt a lot..

You kept reminds me of lunch, dinner..
You will tell me when you're going to work, after work..
Give me a goodnight message before you sleep.
Soon, I'm already get used to it.
Everyday I waiting for each of your message.
If one day you forgot or miss out anyone..
I started to miss you.. And dependent on it.

You said that you don't like me to wait for your every message.
You cannot fulfil me. It just will disappoint me even more.
So, a humble request.. Please don't text me anymore.
Every of your incoming message reminds me of you.
Its made me depedent on it.
I read your messages I feel warm, at the same time I feel heartache as well.
You choose this road, you have to do what you suppose to do.
Keep texting me just will increase my painful but nothing else.
Stop being good to me, please.
The more you care about me, the more I cannot forget you.

Its time for me to let go. So, do your part.
Help me please.
I don't love you anymore..

11th August; Day Seven

I read your post.
My tears rolling down suddenly.
I'm wonder why you posted that?
You want me to know that you're still care about me?
Don't please.. This few days I think I've started to move on little by little.
I think this time I seriously can do it, to give up on you.
So don't do anything to influence me, please.


Ya, it's already one week.
This week I keep find myself activity and make myself busy all the time.
So that I've no time to miss you, to think about you.
Yet, I still do every time before I sleep and after I woke up.
This weekend is coming soon. I'm struggle.
Before this every weekend I'll looking forwards to back to kl.
Is to meet you.
Now onwards I found there's meaningless to back to kl.
I loss the intention. I'm sorry my family & friends.
Honestly, you're the biggest influencing for me to do everything.

How are you lately? I miss you. <3

10th August; Day Six

I suddenly feel like we're so far so far..
Are we over yet? I'm afraid actually we're..

I miss you & love you <3

9th August; Day Five

I thought I can give up on you in passed five days.
I was happy with my life without you for some moment.
I mix around with others, avoid to be alone.
To avoid to think of you.
I thought this time I finally fine without you.
Just now, all of sudden..
I think about you suddenly.. You appear suddenly on my mind.
I know I cannot deny, I miss you still.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.. Can you hear me?
Are you thinking the same way like I do?
I Love You, Chow Pak Khin. <3

No Strings Attached.

I watched NST. Its really a good show and meaningful.
It's also reminded me of you.
They have sex, they enjoyed.
It's valentine's day, their first date.
Just like ours as well.. Valentine's day our first dating.
They're sweet and enjoyed. Yet, Emma refused to accept Adam.
Both of them hurt, never seen for 6 weeks long.
Finally, they're got in together, there's a happy ending.
Rhythm of Love, the ending song for the film.
It's your favorite song, I wish you can sing again to me.
I miss you singing to me before I sleep.
I miss dating with you again.
I miss having sex with you again..
I miss everything of you too. Everything around me just reminds me of you.
I miss you.. <3

8th August; Day Five

I did for my first solo flight today!
I'm very happy, I wish to share this joy with you.
I wish to celebrate this with you.
Yet, it looks like I don't have the chance to do so.

I've landed, you're the first person I text to.
I wish to tell you this immediately in first time when I did it..!
You send me symbol to congratz me.
It's good enough for me. Thanks. <3

"Special and comfortable communication"
Are you mean this for us? Yay, maybe.
I always keep you too tight, now just few messages to release our feelings.
It shows that, I'm just not that into to be your baby girl.
But a close friend for you.

Best Friend Forever, Chow Pak Khin. <3

7th August; Day Four

4am, you called me this morning.
I actually purposely didn't put in silent, cause I'm waiting for you to look for me.
Finally you do, I'm very happy when received your call.
Yet, you went club again, as aspect. Hmmm..
I heard your voice like so weird. I asked is there anything. You insist say no.
Maybe i'm thinking too much. You called to say you're safely home.
Why do you do so? Actually you don't need to. We're just friend.
You don't need to report to me. I'm happy you doing so, but you make me think that we actually still got another chance. Which will never ever happened again, I know it well.
In the end, you say goodnight and give me a goodnight kiss. I cried.
I miss you, I can't deny. I still love you. <3

This morning I woke up. Keep waiting for your message.
Yet, you didn't text me. I'm afraid.. I'm afraid that you forget about me.
I'm no longer important to you. I'm afraid to lost you.. I'm afraid. </3

There after you text me finally.. We chat very few messages, then I stop to reply.
I know, if I continue to reply to you.. I will not let you go.
I should make a clear cut on us. I shouldn't keep looking forwards a text from you.
I know I can do it! I want to get you over.

Many told me that you're not worth to be loved.
You hurt me too much, too many times. You're a bastard.
I actually lost of trust on you. I'm disappointed with you..
I wish to hold you again in my life, but I'm afraid to be hurt again..
I'm afraid, cause its very ache.. I've no more energy to face again all the bullshit and arguments.
I'm tired.. Will you change for me? Become the one I knew in the very beginning.
Let's us start all over again. Only love me, I'm the only one for you?
Loves you. <3

Between You & I

No 214, Octopus Road, Dinasour Garden, 21400 Yoshi Yoshi.
Our dream house address.

We on a crush with each other on 14th February 2009, a memorable day for me.
We started our journey together. I never thought that I'll get a boyfriend.
Such good looking & very good to me. I really never thought of being in a relationship before.
Cause I'm not like other girl, pretty, good body shape; I'm fat & ugly not attractive at all.
In high school I just dare to admire someone, never thought someone will willing got in a relationship with me.

Until 14th February 2009, You came into my life and I thought hey. I know this could be something.
Love story - Taylors Swift, Our first love song.
Two is better than one, Our second love song.
We so coincide likes the same song. You become my Romeo, I become your Juliet.
Our journey started cause of the song.
At first I never thought we'll last for such a long period. I lack of confident of myself.
Starting on the first day I accepted you, I know soon you'll leave me.
You're handsome, I'm not a pretty. You mean to be with someone who is pretty but not me.
Surprisingly, I fall in love with you.
You treat me very good like no one treated me before. You come into my life, I no longer feel lonely.
My life everyday full with loves and happiness.
I love my life and you, my dear. <3
I guess I will get diabetes soon, cause I felt sweet every moment with you!
You accompanying me went thru many problems.
My daddy checked on phone bill, i get scolded. You never abandon me.
Instead of that, you care and worry about me. I feel myself being loved.
You purposely fetch me to school in the morning; accompanying me after school every friday.
We cooked; we slept; we joked; we shopping; we lunch.
After I graduated, I went to college.
Your college is just very nearby mine! Means that we have more time together!
As usual you fetch me after class and remembered that one day you came in late.
You surprise me with 100 yen! Our favorite! I speechless but I'm touched and I feel your love to me.
Thanks my darhhling. <3

Our first trip, Genting Highland.
Is the best trip I ever had, cause my partner is with you.
The moment is shorted, we just managed to spend a night there.
But every moment is meaningful for me.
We chilled in theme park, counted on how many games we played.
First time we overnight together, I feel warm sleeping with you.
I wish I could be sleeping with you like this for every night.
Whenever I woke up I can see you by my side, never ever leave me.
Everything is perfect. <3

My first present from you, Octopus.
My first valentine present, Yoshi.
And my second valentine present, a bouquet of flower.
I still remember that what that meant,
11 flowers that represent your love to me..
11 flowers that represent I'm the only one for you..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet.. I know love isn't forever.
Finally, we broken up.. And 5th times as much.
My heart is broken at first and now is fallen into a pieces..
I remembered last time..
We went out as usual, everything is fine.
But you send me a messages asked for break up.
I don't know why. I seriously went blank of my thought suddenly.
I don't know what to reply to you and I'm struggle to face the truth.
I choose to ignore the truth.
Actually I received the message. Yet, I'm just lost of my mind, lost control of my thought.
I pretend nothing happened and whatsapp you.But looks like I cannot, you insist of breaking up.
I didnt beg you, I know you think very twice.
I respect you.. We break up.. </3
I know this time we're totally gone! I didn't see any chances in front.
My heart broken into pieces. It's very hurt & ache..
Few days later is our anniversary. A meaningful date, but now is meaningless for me.
We wished each other as well.. I'm happy cause you still remember the important date.
Although we have broken up and friend now.
14th July, you gave me a very big and unexpected surprise.
You all the way from kl drive with your unserviceable saga to meet me and ask for a return.
Besides that, you send me a blogspot link. Which wrote all your feelings in it.
I feel very very touched. All i can said is
"Thanks, darhhling. I love you. I will never let you go, I need you. I will do anything for our relationship. All i want is just you. <3"

In this period I very appreciate, I work very careful.. Cause I don't want a fragile heart anymore
One week, I have no transport to back to kl. You purposely drive to malacca to fetch me back to kl.
I know that, you're love me, you do that to me, only for me.
That night i also came to your house to over night, it's my first time to overnight outside.
Although we didn't hang out much, but we do spend out splendid moment together.
I feel that I'm a part of your life, close to you, close to your family. The weekend is awesome.
If there is a chance I wish to overnight in your house again. <3

After that, I thought we will never separate anymore.. We went thru many problems and is very difficult for us to get back together. I thought we would appreciate each other more. And we had promised each other no 'break up' word anymore..
But why? 4th August, you again.. Send me some bullshitting message to ask for a break up.
You know what? I'm actually just a simple girl..
I laugh always, I don't drop tears easily, my world is always happy. I'm always chilled..
But.. You make my tears drop unstoppable, my world is dulled, everything for me is meaningless. I cannot chill, I hardly to laugh. I'm suffer a lot a lots, my tears will drop sometimes. I don't know why. Maybe I miss you..
I should have wake up this time.. You hurt me one time by one time. You come into my life without permission, now you leaved without permission as well.. I don't allow..! I should have love myself more..
My friends all are contempt me being a foolish play by you. I just replied with a weak smile.
"Sometimes I just pretend to be happy so I don't have to explain what happened to people who'll never understand."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I keep asking myself.. If you once again come back for me, will I soft heart to say yes again? I'm hesitate.

Actually I really don't like your attitude.You have changed a lot.. You like to go cc, snooker, yum cha, clubbing..
Fine.. You can still go and enjoy with your friends. Chilling with them. I'm okay with it. Cause I know you're boring at home.
About clubbing, I seriously don't know whats the reason you being so obsessed going.
You told me is for dancing, listening to music? But is it the truth?
I'm sorry to say so, you're flirty! Which no couple can even tolerate their partner being so flirtation.
If you're me, I'm doing all the action which you did. How do you feel? Can you tolerate?
You told me before, you just go to listen to music, dance and drink.
But you hugging another girl with looks so enjoyable! wtf!
Seriously I feel so insecure, if you can do so to another girl. Then whats the different between me and them?
One of the reason being I don't like you to go clubbing cause I don't wish you to be closed with another girl.
I'm sorry I'm not a good girlfriend, cannot share my boyfriend with another girl. I cannot.
All I want is just you change your flirtation and please respect me as your girlfriend. Think for me and my feeling.
I wish you to call me every night before I sleep, cause we're far apart now.
And we contact not much, I wish to use this method at least to keep our relationship closer.
But I think you don't think the same way. Like I'm being a so obsessive girlfriend.
I don't wish like one hour call duration that long, even thought just 1 minutes is good enough for me.
I just want to listen to your voice. And say goodnight to me.
But looks like this task is very difficult.. I don't know why. It's okay..

Our problems are much.. You cannot zao me anymore, I know. At the same time, I cannot tolerate your attitude too. You say you're like a prisoner. But the truth that I love you, only I will care you more. If not, anything you did are mean nothing to me. I wish you can understand this. ):

But actually deep inside my heart i really wish to. No matter how you hurt me, no matter how many times you had hurt me, how deeply you hurt me. Cause I know the truth, I Love You. It can cover everything you had done to me. Just a magic word, "I Love You", everything will be fine. I know I'm stupid, I know you're actually not worth it. Yet.. For me, you're more than everything.
I will still wait for you. Waiting for the day to come, waiting you realized you have left me behind.
Come and hold me again. Brighten my world again. I'm waiting.. I miss porcupine & happy face & our previously sweetest memories.
I Love You, Chow Pak Khin. <3

(Yoshi still sleeping with me every night; Octopus still waiting me home every weekend; Happy face & Porcupine will be in my sweet memories forever.)

Love is just a fairy tale.

Two and half years down the drain just in a blink of an eye.
We both changed a lot. I think it's time for me to let go.
No point holding on to a relationship when you already gave up in our dreams and promises.
Love is just a fairy tale.

6th August; Day Three

I'm being hurt again.
I miss you. Can you hear me?
I don't understand why our relationship will be ended up like this.
I'm sorry.. I think I'm not good enough for you.

Last night is the first friday night, I backed to kl without you.
As the moon rises, I started feel lonely and misses you.
Every Friday night you'll be with me no matter shine or rainy.
I took a nap at 6pm, woke up at 7pm.
Guess what? Once i woke up, my first thought is you, my lovely dear cpk.
I usually did. You're the only one first appears on my mind before sleep and after woke up.
I felt heartache. Cause I cannot call you.. I cannot text you. I cannot tell you how much i miss you.
Because, we are friend now.
I felt very very heartache and breathless when think of our situation now.
I struggle, I felt like give you a call, ask you for a date but.. No point.
We're friend now, which you won't turn and have a look at me.
And even i asked, you won't come to see me even a second.

Nearly 4.30am, we text. I kept find a reason for myself to persuade myself..
You're unable to sleep cause you're missing me too.
But actually I know you isn't..
I struggle to call you. But what to say to you? Nothing.
I definitely will beg you to come back to me again, I will cried a lot and a lot when heard your voice.
I know the result too. Cause you already decided - f.r.i.e.n.d

Afternoon i text you for a meet up, you refused.
I know what are you thinking about.. It's okay. You're doing right.
I cried sadly. It's very pain.. </3

I hate that you changed.
I hate that you left.
I hate how much you made me smile.
I hate how I miss you.
I hate how it hurts.
I hate that I lost you.
I hate that I found out who you really are.
But most of all, I hate how I still love you.
Lastly, hate that I Love You so much Chow Pak Khin.
I love you still... <3