Saturday, 6 August 2011

Between You & I

No 214, Octopus Road, Dinasour Garden, 21400 Yoshi Yoshi.
Our dream house address.

We on a crush with each other on 14th February 2009, a memorable day for me.
We started our journey together. I never thought that I'll get a boyfriend.
Such good looking & very good to me. I really never thought of being in a relationship before.
Cause I'm not like other girl, pretty, good body shape; I'm fat & ugly not attractive at all.
In high school I just dare to admire someone, never thought someone will willing got in a relationship with me.

Until 14th February 2009, You came into my life and I thought hey. I know this could be something.
Love story - Taylors Swift, Our first love song.
Two is better than one, Our second love song.
We so coincide likes the same song. You become my Romeo, I become your Juliet.
Our journey started cause of the song.
At first I never thought we'll last for such a long period. I lack of confident of myself.
Starting on the first day I accepted you, I know soon you'll leave me.
You're handsome, I'm not a pretty. You mean to be with someone who is pretty but not me.
Surprisingly, I fall in love with you.
You treat me very good like no one treated me before. You come into my life, I no longer feel lonely.
My life everyday full with loves and happiness.
I love my life and you, my dear. <3
I guess I will get diabetes soon, cause I felt sweet every moment with you!
You accompanying me went thru many problems.
My daddy checked on phone bill, i get scolded. You never abandon me.
Instead of that, you care and worry about me. I feel myself being loved.
You purposely fetch me to school in the morning; accompanying me after school every friday.
We cooked; we slept; we joked; we shopping; we lunch.
After I graduated, I went to college.
Your college is just very nearby mine! Means that we have more time together!
As usual you fetch me after class and remembered that one day you came in late.
You surprise me with 100 yen! Our favorite! I speechless but I'm touched and I feel your love to me.
Thanks my darhhling. <3

Our first trip, Genting Highland.
Is the best trip I ever had, cause my partner is with you.
The moment is shorted, we just managed to spend a night there.
But every moment is meaningful for me.
We chilled in theme park, counted on how many games we played.
First time we overnight together, I feel warm sleeping with you.
I wish I could be sleeping with you like this for every night.
Whenever I woke up I can see you by my side, never ever leave me.
Everything is perfect. <3

My first present from you, Octopus.
My first valentine present, Yoshi.
And my second valentine present, a bouquet of flower.
I still remember that what that meant,
11 flowers that represent your love to me..
11 flowers that represent I'm the only one for you..

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Yet.. I know love isn't forever.
Finally, we broken up.. And 5th times as much.
My heart is broken at first and now is fallen into a pieces..
I remembered last time..
We went out as usual, everything is fine.
But you send me a messages asked for break up.
I don't know why. I seriously went blank of my thought suddenly.
I don't know what to reply to you and I'm struggle to face the truth.
I choose to ignore the truth.
Actually I received the message. Yet, I'm just lost of my mind, lost control of my thought.
I pretend nothing happened and whatsapp you.But looks like I cannot, you insist of breaking up.
I didnt beg you, I know you think very twice.
I respect you.. We break up.. </3
I know this time we're totally gone! I didn't see any chances in front.
My heart broken into pieces. It's very hurt & ache..
Few days later is our anniversary. A meaningful date, but now is meaningless for me.
We wished each other as well.. I'm happy cause you still remember the important date.
Although we have broken up and friend now.
14th July, you gave me a very big and unexpected surprise.
You all the way from kl drive with your unserviceable saga to meet me and ask for a return.
Besides that, you send me a blogspot link. Which wrote all your feelings in it.
I feel very very touched. All i can said is
"Thanks, darhhling. I love you. I will never let you go, I need you. I will do anything for our relationship. All i want is just you. <3"

In this period I very appreciate, I work very careful.. Cause I don't want a fragile heart anymore
One week, I have no transport to back to kl. You purposely drive to malacca to fetch me back to kl.
I know that, you're love me, you do that to me, only for me.
That night i also came to your house to over night, it's my first time to overnight outside.
Although we didn't hang out much, but we do spend out splendid moment together.
I feel that I'm a part of your life, close to you, close to your family. The weekend is awesome.
If there is a chance I wish to overnight in your house again. <3

After that, I thought we will never separate anymore.. We went thru many problems and is very difficult for us to get back together. I thought we would appreciate each other more. And we had promised each other no 'break up' word anymore..
But why? 4th August, you again.. Send me some bullshitting message to ask for a break up.
You know what? I'm actually just a simple girl..
I laugh always, I don't drop tears easily, my world is always happy. I'm always chilled..
But.. You make my tears drop unstoppable, my world is dulled, everything for me is meaningless. I cannot chill, I hardly to laugh. I'm suffer a lot a lots, my tears will drop sometimes. I don't know why. Maybe I miss you..
I should have wake up this time.. You hurt me one time by one time. You come into my life without permission, now you leaved without permission as well.. I don't allow..! I should have love myself more..
My friends all are contempt me being a foolish play by you. I just replied with a weak smile.
"Sometimes I just pretend to be happy so I don't have to explain what happened to people who'll never understand."

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I keep asking myself.. If you once again come back for me, will I soft heart to say yes again? I'm hesitate.

Actually I really don't like your attitude.You have changed a lot.. You like to go cc, snooker, yum cha, clubbing..
Fine.. You can still go and enjoy with your friends. Chilling with them. I'm okay with it. Cause I know you're boring at home.
About clubbing, I seriously don't know whats the reason you being so obsessed going.
You told me is for dancing, listening to music? But is it the truth?
I'm sorry to say so, you're flirty! Which no couple can even tolerate their partner being so flirtation.
If you're me, I'm doing all the action which you did. How do you feel? Can you tolerate?
You told me before, you just go to listen to music, dance and drink.
But you hugging another girl with looks so enjoyable! wtf!
Seriously I feel so insecure, if you can do so to another girl. Then whats the different between me and them?
One of the reason being I don't like you to go clubbing cause I don't wish you to be closed with another girl.
I'm sorry I'm not a good girlfriend, cannot share my boyfriend with another girl. I cannot.
All I want is just you change your flirtation and please respect me as your girlfriend. Think for me and my feeling.
I wish you to call me every night before I sleep, cause we're far apart now.
And we contact not much, I wish to use this method at least to keep our relationship closer.
But I think you don't think the same way. Like I'm being a so obsessive girlfriend.
I don't wish like one hour call duration that long, even thought just 1 minutes is good enough for me.
I just want to listen to your voice. And say goodnight to me.
But looks like this task is very difficult.. I don't know why. It's okay..

Our problems are much.. You cannot zao me anymore, I know. At the same time, I cannot tolerate your attitude too. You say you're like a prisoner. But the truth that I love you, only I will care you more. If not, anything you did are mean nothing to me. I wish you can understand this. ):

But actually deep inside my heart i really wish to. No matter how you hurt me, no matter how many times you had hurt me, how deeply you hurt me. Cause I know the truth, I Love You. It can cover everything you had done to me. Just a magic word, "I Love You", everything will be fine. I know I'm stupid, I know you're actually not worth it. Yet.. For me, you're more than everything.
I will still wait for you. Waiting for the day to come, waiting you realized you have left me behind.
Come and hold me again. Brighten my world again. I'm waiting.. I miss porcupine & happy face & our previously sweetest memories.
I Love You, Chow Pak Khin. <3

(Yoshi still sleeping with me every night; Octopus still waiting me home every weekend; Happy face & Porcupine will be in my sweet memories forever.)

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